So I read this post by Sundry [http://www.sundrymourning.com/2008/08/26/dylan-six-months-and-counting/] (sure wish I knew how to link...) and I'm so overwhelmed with the desire to have a family.
We are trying to conceive now, and it hasn't been long at all since we started and I'm still full of hope and excitement. I can't wait to feel life forming in my body, knowing that when that child comes out of me it will be a combination of my husband and I and that this child will be a part of the rest of my life.
That is the part about making a family that is both scary and exciting all in the same swift heartbeat; this child will be a part of the total rest of my life and the love that I will have for this child is going to bypass any other love I've felt in my entire life.
I imagine picking my child up and supporting its tiny body in my hands, gazing at its gorgeous face, and running my fingers over its smooth cheeks. What is it going to feel like when I smoosh my lips up against its cheeks? What is it going to smell like when I pull it close and smell its little baby head? What am I going to feel like the first time my child responds to my touch in the same way that Dylan responds to Linda? How totally and completely overwhelmed by love and emotion will I be as our child grows and I begin to notice the features that resemble my own or my husbands'?
Lately what has been on my mind is, when does a parent stop marveling at their child and get so comfortable that the child becomes just another fixture in their lives? When do they become so numb to their miracle that they argue with them as if they were a stranger on the street? I've seen so many parents arguing with their children, I've witnessed a lot of heartbreak and hurt between parent and child around me lately and I'm so curious to know what changes and when. I'm not asking these things because I'm claiming that I will never be that way, because I know better than that. But I am just saying that I am curious to know.
My mom has always been there for me, always. She is a permanant fixture in my life and there have been many times in my life that I've not treated her with the absolute most respect that she deserves. From my perspective, there has been no life without her...she has always been there. From her perspective....there was life before me. There was love, friendships, hurt, anger, a first born child, family, etc. So I guess my question is, why does something that you one day thought would change your life forever become something that you are now comfortable with? Why is the magic of a child forgotten? Sometimes it's difficult for me to convey mood and emotion through my writing, so I hope it's understood my tone is not meant to be condescending or "mightier than thou", I am genuinely curious, if only for my future role as a parent.
So if I happen to have any readers, and if I happen to have any readers that are parents, or if I happen to have any readers that have any thoughts on the subject at hand.....let me have it!
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