As a continuation of the previous post on friendship, New Life invokes a wide aray of feelings and emotions. I probably learned more at that school than I've ever learned anywhere else in my life. I attended that school from 5th Grade until 8th grade, 4 years. I learned the Bible, I learned about friends, I learned about hurts and back-stabbing from both adults and classmates, I learned sports, and I learned that my mom will always be my number one fan, I learned that Math and History would always be a struggle.
I met some of my favorite people at New Life. Sharon and Kelly were awesome friends. The 3 of us had the common interest of horses and boys, specifically our brother's friends. Sharon and I played basketball together and were "ball girls" for the soccer team. We stayed friends even after I moved...up until the point that we ran out of things to talk about...now I see her on MySpace and we truly are 2 different people. I still think about her with the biggest smile. I remember singing Ace of Base and being too chicken to play "bloody mary" at midnight on her birthday.There are 3 other people that I kept in touch with for a short period of time after moving-Kathy, Alyson, and Valerie. Kathy hurt my feelings, and we stopped talking. Alyson moved to New York and we used to talk on the phone...don't even know what happened there. She is on my Facebook and seems good. Valerie used to write me letters and send me cards and I wish I could just find one of them so I could send her a letter...I don't think I ever wrote her back and I feel awful. I just remembered her last name though, so now I'll have to search her on Facebook.I kept in touch with Noah for awhile too, until he sent me a really mean email about sending forwards and basically made me feel really stupid. That still blows me away that someone would feel okay with making someone feel that stupid. My face still burns with embarassment when I remember receiving that email...I remember both Julie's, Lainey, Robby, Luke, Daniel, Melanie, Marcus, Matt, etc. There were about 5 or 6 people that treated me...badly to say the least. It's not worth listing their names, because I'm over it. Actually, I've talked to 3 of them since then, and we are all adults now. I'm still "fat" and I still have a bit of a different laugh...but they are adults now and have learned to appreciate someone for qualities other than those of which they used to make fun of me for. It's funny because I emailed one of the Julie's on MySpace and she replied, "Oh yea! I remember you! I used to come to your house and play after school!" And it was at that point that I realized that sometimes you remember people a lot differently than they remember you...She came to my house once for my birthday, and it was on a Saturday.
Sometimes I wish things had been different back then. I wish that my teachers had been better and more supportive and that kids weren't so cruel. I wish my friendships had lasted and that we could have realized then what we all know is important now. But things weren't different, and I learned a lot from the experience. Some of those realizations have taken years and have taken the help of new friends to truly understand, but none the less have shaped who I am as a person today.
New Life taught me what friendship is and isn't. And New Life taught me to let go of the image that others created of me, and to create my own. New Life also taught me that everyone struggles with their own demons and that instead of contributing to those struggles I need to encourage and uplift lest I be to someone what those few people were to me.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Growing up is hard to do...
One thing I've never been good at is losing a friendship that I had every intention of working to keep. To me friendship isn't a whole lot different than a romantic relationship in that, it takes work to maintain. I've lost numerous friendships over the years. I realize that I am only 23 years old, but I've had some really great people in my life in that time. I'm sad to say that none of my NC friendships prior to my last relationship are even remotely close to what they were. Actually, I can only think of one individual that even still speaks to me with any interest at all (Hi, Alec!).
People change, priorities change, location changes, etc....it's all just part of growing up and becoming who you are going to be as an adult.
There have always been those friendships though that are worth working to keep. Unfortunately, the feeling has not been reciprocated. Believe me when I say that I'm not angry about it and I don't lose sleep over it, but it does sting just a little when reflecting on those memories.
I'm going to take it back to the old school and start the list of friends that I think about often, but talk to never.
*Neighborhood Friends*
There was Laura Presimone. We were the bestest and I was, sad to say, the one that screwed that one up. I think about her all the time and would love to see how she is doing these days.
*Liberty Church/Mt. Airy Full Gospel*
Luke...man he was my best friend. He's still around, and we have each other on Facebook, and me and his sister still talk, and his parents come down every year for 4th of July...and all that good stuff. But man, I miss the Luke that I knew. Granted, we were like...13. And really, how can a 23 year old miss a friendship from one of the most awkward and underdeveloped stages in one’s life? But I do, and I have so many fond memories with him and his family.
The Evans family (dun nuh nuh nuh ::snap snap::). My parents and I have tried to find them again. She was my first and second grade teacher and I had a crush on her son Matthew, lol. We went to church with them and hung out with them lots (carpool!). I remember I sat on Jennifer's birthday cake on the way to school and she hated me after that. We went to their house for SuperBowl one year because they lived in PA and the Steelers had made it. It was an all day long event and we had been hanging out in this abandoned house in a field the whole time. It got dark and we were running around with flashlights. We saw lights come on in the abandoned house and freaked out a little, us girls anyway. The boys went to investigate and a shoe, among other things, was promptly thrown out the front door chasing us all away. Back then we thought it was a ghost. Now that I'm older and [ahem] wiser, I know that it was probably just a homeless person wishing us pesky kids would leave his safe haven alone.
Amber Levoe and Kim Toben….Now those were some awesome friends. Kim and I talked probably up until I was 12, about a year before moving to NC. I’ve tried to find both of them. I think I may have found Amber on MySpace and tried to add her and was denied, ouch. I haven’t been able to find Kim though, makes me sad. I remember going to Kim’s house probably about once a year. My mom would meet her mom in New Market and I’d climb in the van with her and her sisters and we would play a game that consisted of us trying and stake claims on horses that we passed by on our way to her house. We would swim in her pool and hang out with Sophia and Danny and try and avoid Lauren. I remember we played truth or dare one time and I had to kiss Danny and it was the most awful kiss ever because I was nervous and made a smacking noise with my lips lol (Have no fear, I’m much better now, just ask Brad). I also remember going to Kim’s house a few days after I blew an egg up in my face (another post, another day) and I had a scab on my eye and it was definitely ugly.
Amanda was, is, and will always be my best friend on some kind of level. Sure things have changed, but there is too much there. And umm, we’re family so I guess that kind of helps lol. We’ve gone through a lot together, and we’ve gone through a lot separate. But one thing is certain; we’re always on each other’s minds and we’ll always love each other unconditionally. Not to be cliché, but she is the sister I never had.
I guess because I’ve mentioned Amanda and Luke I should go ahead and mention the others, even if I do see them every year. Timmy, Amy, Melody, and Julia….I’ve known them for about 18 years now and they are officially my longest friends ever, those friendships I cherish and love being able to see change and grow.
Some other friendships from Liberty that deserve mention are Brianna, Brandon, and Chris. I will never understand what the heck was going on in my 13 year old brain to call a 19 year old man and tell him I was in love with him…uh that one definitely goes down in the charts as top 5 regrets (no I’m not embarrassed, that’s just sunburn…no really…)
My friendships and experiences from NLCS probably deserve an entry all to themselves.
I’ve only written about a small portion of my life and only a few people so far, and I’ve barely even scratched the surface. This will probably be an on-going list broken into individual entries. I guess LiveJournal beats out a blog if only for the wonderful ability to put long entries behind a cut.
Still to come….
·Stories and friends from New Life Christian School
· Friends fromCHS, GCF, and Capital
· Friends that have remained and I cherish
·The hilarious story of how an egg gave me a scab on my eye.
·While I’m at it with the food stories, I’ll tell ya about the cinnamon one too.
People change, priorities change, location changes, etc....it's all just part of growing up and becoming who you are going to be as an adult.
There have always been those friendships though that are worth working to keep. Unfortunately, the feeling has not been reciprocated. Believe me when I say that I'm not angry about it and I don't lose sleep over it, but it does sting just a little when reflecting on those memories.
I'm going to take it back to the old school and start the list of friends that I think about often, but talk to never.
*Neighborhood Friends*
There was Laura Presimone. We were the bestest and I was, sad to say, the one that screwed that one up. I think about her all the time and would love to see how she is doing these days.
*Liberty Church/Mt. Airy Full Gospel*
Luke...man he was my best friend. He's still around, and we have each other on Facebook, and me and his sister still talk, and his parents come down every year for 4th of July...and all that good stuff. But man, I miss the Luke that I knew. Granted, we were like...13. And really, how can a 23 year old miss a friendship from one of the most awkward and underdeveloped stages in one’s life? But I do, and I have so many fond memories with him and his family.
The Evans family (dun nuh nuh nuh ::snap snap::). My parents and I have tried to find them again. She was my first and second grade teacher and I had a crush on her son Matthew, lol. We went to church with them and hung out with them lots (carpool!). I remember I sat on Jennifer's birthday cake on the way to school and she hated me after that. We went to their house for SuperBowl one year because they lived in PA and the Steelers had made it. It was an all day long event and we had been hanging out in this abandoned house in a field the whole time. It got dark and we were running around with flashlights. We saw lights come on in the abandoned house and freaked out a little, us girls anyway. The boys went to investigate and a shoe, among other things, was promptly thrown out the front door chasing us all away. Back then we thought it was a ghost. Now that I'm older and [ahem] wiser, I know that it was probably just a homeless person wishing us pesky kids would leave his safe haven alone.
Amber Levoe and Kim Toben….Now those were some awesome friends. Kim and I talked probably up until I was 12, about a year before moving to NC. I’ve tried to find both of them. I think I may have found Amber on MySpace and tried to add her and was denied, ouch. I haven’t been able to find Kim though, makes me sad. I remember going to Kim’s house probably about once a year. My mom would meet her mom in New Market and I’d climb in the van with her and her sisters and we would play a game that consisted of us trying and stake claims on horses that we passed by on our way to her house. We would swim in her pool and hang out with Sophia and Danny and try and avoid Lauren. I remember we played truth or dare one time and I had to kiss Danny and it was the most awful kiss ever because I was nervous and made a smacking noise with my lips lol (Have no fear, I’m much better now, just ask Brad). I also remember going to Kim’s house a few days after I blew an egg up in my face (another post, another day) and I had a scab on my eye and it was definitely ugly.
Amanda was, is, and will always be my best friend on some kind of level. Sure things have changed, but there is too much there. And umm, we’re family so I guess that kind of helps lol. We’ve gone through a lot together, and we’ve gone through a lot separate. But one thing is certain; we’re always on each other’s minds and we’ll always love each other unconditionally. Not to be cliché, but she is the sister I never had.
I guess because I’ve mentioned Amanda and Luke I should go ahead and mention the others, even if I do see them every year. Timmy, Amy, Melody, and Julia….I’ve known them for about 18 years now and they are officially my longest friends ever, those friendships I cherish and love being able to see change and grow.
Some other friendships from Liberty that deserve mention are Brianna, Brandon, and Chris. I will never understand what the heck was going on in my 13 year old brain to call a 19 year old man and tell him I was in love with him…uh that one definitely goes down in the charts as top 5 regrets (no I’m not embarrassed, that’s just sunburn…no really…)
My friendships and experiences from NLCS probably deserve an entry all to themselves.
I’ve only written about a small portion of my life and only a few people so far, and I’ve barely even scratched the surface. This will probably be an on-going list broken into individual entries. I guess LiveJournal beats out a blog if only for the wonderful ability to put long entries behind a cut.
Still to come….
·
· Friends from
· Friends that have remained and I cherish
·
·
Monday, April 21, 2008
Dating Bradley...err Badly.
One thing I've realized is that I am really bad at dating. If you look at my track record of relationships you will see that my dating skills are nonexistent. Truly and honestly, I do not know how to date. What is dating? I have technically only had 2 boyfriends, besides my now fiancé (muah muah muah, much love to ya baby). One relationship lasting for a month (I was broken up with on my 18th birthday...thanks again for that one Pat) and one lasting for four years.
The month long relationship mainly consisted of me playing chauffer and buying things for him. [Exhibit A as to why I am bad at dating] We would talk on the phone and he would either tell me about all of the alcohol he was consuming at the time or pass the phone off to his friends for me to talk to them instead. And would you believe that when he broke up with me (ahem, on my 18th birthday) he sprayed a napkin with his cologne and handed it to me saying, "This is something to remember me by, smell it when you miss me." I'm happy to say that the very next day I made a small bonfire in my best friend's drive-way...smell THAT sucker!
The four year long relationship consisted of me molding, changing, and shaping myself as a person to match the person that he was, or at least the person that I thought he wanted me to be. [Exhibit B as to why I am bad at dating] That is probably the only reason the relationship lasted as long as it did, I didn't know how to function as an individual anymore and I was scared to try. That is one thing that I now know is in the top 5 things dating should NOT consist of. Actually, I learned a lot of "should not" from that relationship...nothing against him or anything. So while I now know what dating should not consist of, what SHOULD it consist of?
I think dating is the process of finding the type of person that you do or do not want to be with. But what does the process involve? I personally know that when I am attracted to someone and they become an interest of mine it is difficult to slow myself down enough to not want to call them or talk to them every second of every day. I do know that this is called "obsession" or "infatuation" and definitely not called "dating”. I also know that it is a huge deal breaker for a guy. What is too much? How much is too much? How often is too often? How soon is too soon? [Exhibit C as to why I am bad at dating]
My newest relationship (with whom I will be marrying in approx. 90 days...Exhibit D as to why I am bad at dating) has been the closest I have come to what I think dating should be. Sure, we are moving at the speed of light, but that is because this is one of those "special cases" relationships. You know what I mean, the ones that you feel an immediate connection and you just know this is it? Yes, we've set a date and we are buying a townhouse and I've got my dress. But one great thing about us is we haven't stopped dating each other in the process. We're planning our life, and gaining tools to help us build it...but we're still taking the time we need to get to know each other and learn each other’s personalities and quirks. It's really actually pretty cool. We’re learning to celebrate our differences and encourage each other’s dreams. We’re learning to adopt each other’s hobbies, but learning how to keep our own. I’m really trying to learn how to remain independent, but show him that I never want to live my life without him. I’m learning to be confident in his love for me, even if he’s not feeling exceptionally romantic. I’m learning that faith doesn’t just apply to my relationship with God, but it applies to my relationship with him as well.
Most of all I am learning that sometimes it takes dating badly to learn how to date at all; But that maybe at the point that I know how to date, I won’t have to anymore.
The month long relationship mainly consisted of me playing chauffer and buying things for him. [Exhibit A as to why I am bad at dating] We would talk on the phone and he would either tell me about all of the alcohol he was consuming at the time or pass the phone off to his friends for me to talk to them instead. And would you believe that when he broke up with me (ahem, on my 18th birthday) he sprayed a napkin with his cologne and handed it to me saying, "This is something to remember me by, smell it when you miss me." I'm happy to say that the very next day I made a small bonfire in my best friend's drive-way...smell THAT sucker!
The four year long relationship consisted of me molding, changing, and shaping myself as a person to match the person that he was, or at least the person that I thought he wanted me to be. [Exhibit B as to why I am bad at dating] That is probably the only reason the relationship lasted as long as it did, I didn't know how to function as an individual anymore and I was scared to try. That is one thing that I now know is in the top 5 things dating should NOT consist of. Actually, I learned a lot of "should not" from that relationship...nothing against him or anything. So while I now know what dating should not consist of, what SHOULD it consist of?
I think dating is the process of finding the type of person that you do or do not want to be with. But what does the process involve? I personally know that when I am attracted to someone and they become an interest of mine it is difficult to slow myself down enough to not want to call them or talk to them every second of every day. I do know that this is called "obsession" or "infatuation" and definitely not called "dating”. I also know that it is a huge deal breaker for a guy. What is too much? How much is too much? How often is too often? How soon is too soon? [Exhibit C as to why I am bad at dating]
My newest relationship (with whom I will be marrying in approx. 90 days...Exhibit D as to why I am bad at dating) has been the closest I have come to what I think dating should be. Sure, we are moving at the speed of light, but that is because this is one of those "special cases" relationships. You know what I mean, the ones that you feel an immediate connection and you just know this is it? Yes, we've set a date and we are buying a townhouse and I've got my dress. But one great thing about us is we haven't stopped dating each other in the process. We're planning our life, and gaining tools to help us build it...but we're still taking the time we need to get to know each other and learn each other’s personalities and quirks. It's really actually pretty cool. We’re learning to celebrate our differences and encourage each other’s dreams. We’re learning to adopt each other’s hobbies, but learning how to keep our own. I’m really trying to learn how to remain independent, but show him that I never want to live my life without him. I’m learning to be confident in his love for me, even if he’s not feeling exceptionally romantic. I’m learning that faith doesn’t just apply to my relationship with God, but it applies to my relationship with him as well.
Most of all I am learning that sometimes it takes dating badly to learn how to date at all; But that maybe at the point that I know how to date, I won’t have to anymore.
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