Friday, July 25, 2008
Married!
Over these last 6 days we've continued to grow even closer and it's the most awesome feeling being able to look beside me and know that he is there. The deep conversations, the moments of just looking at eachother, the familiarity and the closeness, the smiles, the laughs....my wow! moments come when I start to think that I get this for the rest of my liveable life, I get to have him as a part of the rest of my life. I know things will change and we'll grow and it won't always be as easy as it is right now...but the fact that I know he is there and will be...it makes it all okay. I wish it was like this for everyone, there isn't not one individual that doesn't deserve to be this happy, not a single one.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Love Hurts
Brad has been leaving later and later each night because it's getting closer and closer to our day.
It's surprising how, no matter how much you tell your heart it has to wait until 'such and such' a day to commit on a marriage level, it just won't listen. It's crazy how all of a sudden one day you can wake up and be someone's wife but not feel like the commitment and expectation should not have already started prior to the date. It's just like with in-laws.....do they just all of a sudden become your mother-in-law or brother-in-law or do you start preparing your heart to love them on that level long before that actual day?
So anyways, back to my point...Brad left around midnight last night. I walked him out to his truck and engaged in a truly sappy goodnight that left me feeling reflective and on a cloud somewhere in The Land of Love. As I am walking back to the house from his truck, I was looking to my neighbors house to see if I needed to be embarassed or not. After verifying that our moment was indeed a private one, I turn to look back at the front door (which would be the direction in which I was walking.) and smacked the side of my head into some conduit piping that was peaking out of the back of my dad's work truck. Instant reaction was hand to head, but there was more pipe, so I scratched my hand also.
The side of my head has a wonderful scratch and some red puffiness. Now, you all recall the picture I posted yesterday of my hair-do for the wedding, right? Yeah...an UP DO. I am lucky to have a skilled make-up artist on the job for Saturday. I am also lucky that it was not my wedding band hand that was scratched. I guess if bad things are going to happen you have to look at the bright side to make it okay, right?
So anyways, just thought I would let you all know that, in so many words or less, love smacked me upside the head last night.
It's surprising how, no matter how much you tell your heart it has to wait until 'such and such' a day to commit on a marriage level, it just won't listen. It's crazy how all of a sudden one day you can wake up and be someone's wife but not feel like the commitment and expectation should not have already started prior to the date. It's just like with in-laws.....do they just all of a sudden become your mother-in-law or brother-in-law or do you start preparing your heart to love them on that level long before that actual day?
So anyways, back to my point...Brad left around midnight last night. I walked him out to his truck and engaged in a truly sappy goodnight that left me feeling reflective and on a cloud somewhere in The Land of Love. As I am walking back to the house from his truck, I was looking to my neighbors house to see if I needed to be embarassed or not. After verifying that our moment was indeed a private one, I turn to look back at the front door (which would be the direction in which I was walking.) and smacked the side of my head into some conduit piping that was peaking out of the back of my dad's work truck. Instant reaction was hand to head, but there was more pipe, so I scratched my hand also.
The side of my head has a wonderful scratch and some red puffiness. Now, you all recall the picture I posted yesterday of my hair-do for the wedding, right? Yeah...an UP DO. I am lucky to have a skilled make-up artist on the job for Saturday. I am also lucky that it was not my wedding band hand that was scratched. I guess if bad things are going to happen you have to look at the bright side to make it okay, right?
So anyways, just thought I would let you all know that, in so many words or less, love smacked me upside the head last night.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The [un]Veiling!
4 Days and Counting....I do believe I am glowing.
I really love fake n' bake because of the wonderful even tan that it gives. I don't do it often, only for special occasions-Prom, bridesmaid in Nate and Sami's wedding, and now for my own wedding. One thing that has happened this go 'round that has never happened before is...raccoon eyes. I try and follow the safety guidelines for tanning because I know that it can be bad for you and I would like to prevent those bad things from happening if at all possible, this is why I wear the goggles. However....I've also never experienced the raccoon eyes like I am right now. I'm thinking about using the fake tan lotion stuff to try and blend it, but who wants orange eyes with a nice brown face and body?? I don't know how I'm going to resolve this...but I have 4 days to figure it out.
I am pretty stoked for these 4 days to fly by. We have new company coming in each day this week. Great Grandmother and Uncle last night, long time family friends tonight, Aunt, Uncle, and Grandparents tomorrow, and more family Thursday and Friday. That makes for a fast week, and I couldn't be more pleased.
I'll be letting someone use my camera at the wedding so that I can get pictures up quicker than from the photographer...gotta figure out who to get to do that....someone who is into pictures as much as I am...we shall see!
Anyways, can't wait to let you wonderful non-existant readers in on my wedding! It's going to be spectacular!
Friday, July 11, 2008
When the Cat is Away....
Brad left this morning to go out of town (2 whole states away!) until Sunday afternoon, when upon return he will be playing in a golf outing. Considering he is not having a bachelor party or what have you next week, he is making up for it this weekend...or so it seems, lol.
I will tell you this, in the 4 months (4 whole months! It even feels longer than that.) that we've been together, we have only been away from eachother for at most, 2days (ATF).
I don't depend on Brad in the sense that I need his presence to make my day functional, but I depend on him in the sense that...he makes my day better than it could ever be with just me. I've said it once and I'll say it again...I am one needy chick. It's going to be a long few days...I will be filling them with packing, unpacking, organizing, cleaning, and warm times with an old and dear friend. This is my last weekend of single life...it's something I am more than willing to part with. I have so much to look forward to. I think he will miss me this weekend too, that's what it seemed like when we were saying goodbye this morning anyway...He missed me while I was at ATF and we've grown a lot closer since then (3 months of seeing eachother every day...).
Along with Brad being out of town comes, my first night in the townhouse :)I do admit this is something I am looking forward to. Don't get me wrong, my first night in the townhouse with my HUSBAND is going to be pretty B.A. as well....but there is something about being here alone that makes me feel like I'm being sneaky, and that is something I don't do much of these days, lol. He asked me if I wanted him to load the shotgun for me....have I mentioned that my redneck fiance (okay, he's not actually redneck at all....maybe just a bit country) keeps a shotgun next to his pillow right beside our bed? Yeah, he does. Being one that has never shot a gun with real bullets (BB guns don't count...), this made me a little nervous at first. I'm getting used to the idea because I've had about 3 people offer to teach us how to shoot correctly and safely.
The countdown is down to 8 days. I am getting married next Saturday. I get to attend a friends' wedding this weekend (same colors, same flower type, same officiant, same sanctuary) and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all works out and looks. We have everything done wedding wise, except that Brad has still not purchased his grooms gifts....tisk tisk tisk.
Time is closing in on us and I feel my heart beating faster, my eyes sparkling brighter and my mouth not being able to lose the smirk that quickly has spread to a an all-out-ear-to-ear-grin, I'm gettin' hitched ya'll! lol
I will tell you this, in the 4 months (4 whole months! It even feels longer than that.) that we've been together, we have only been away from eachother for at most, 2days (ATF).
I don't depend on Brad in the sense that I need his presence to make my day functional, but I depend on him in the sense that...he makes my day better than it could ever be with just me. I've said it once and I'll say it again...I am one needy chick. It's going to be a long few days...I will be filling them with packing, unpacking, organizing, cleaning, and warm times with an old and dear friend. This is my last weekend of single life...it's something I am more than willing to part with. I have so much to look forward to. I think he will miss me this weekend too, that's what it seemed like when we were saying goodbye this morning anyway...He missed me while I was at ATF and we've grown a lot closer since then (3 months of seeing eachother every day...).
Along with Brad being out of town comes, my first night in the townhouse :)I do admit this is something I am looking forward to. Don't get me wrong, my first night in the townhouse with my HUSBAND is going to be pretty B.A. as well....but there is something about being here alone that makes me feel like I'm being sneaky, and that is something I don't do much of these days, lol. He asked me if I wanted him to load the shotgun for me....have I mentioned that my redneck fiance (okay, he's not actually redneck at all....maybe just a bit country) keeps a shotgun next to his pillow right beside our bed? Yeah, he does. Being one that has never shot a gun with real bullets (BB guns don't count...), this made me a little nervous at first. I'm getting used to the idea because I've had about 3 people offer to teach us how to shoot correctly and safely.
The countdown is down to 8 days. I am getting married next Saturday. I get to attend a friends' wedding this weekend (same colors, same flower type, same officiant, same sanctuary) and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all works out and looks. We have everything done wedding wise, except that Brad has still not purchased his grooms gifts....tisk tisk tisk.
Time is closing in on us and I feel my heart beating faster, my eyes sparkling brighter and my mouth not being able to lose the smirk that quickly has spread to a an all-out-ear-to-ear-grin, I'm gettin' hitched ya'll! lol
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Holiday and Wedding
My first fourth spent with Brad was amazing and I can only hope that the next decade or so of our marriage will be just as exciting. We only have 11 days until we are married and time is flying by....I couldn't be more excited than I am. I'm getting nervous about walking down the aisle and about hoping everything turns out okay and that no one trips and that I don't snort when I'm bawling my eyes out and that there aren't a thousand and one shots of my face contorted in that uncontrollable cry that I have been praying doesn't happen to me....I so do not want to cry, Oh God. I want to be beaming with smiles and squealing with excitement, that's what I want. But I have a sinking feeling that I will not be able to control the tears because Oh My Gosh, Brad is standing in front of me committing to love me FOR. EVER. Holy Crap.
There have been small bouts of drama lately and I am actually baffled that it's happening because I guess I was nieve to think that things would be different with this wedding than other weddings. I guess everyone hopes that their special day will not affect others and that everyone will just be happy and smiling right along with you. I'd be lying if I said I haven't felt absolutely selfish throughout this whole process...I hate knowing that my parents have spent thousands of dollars on this one particular day and that they did it for me. I know I know, this is the one day I'm allowed to be selfish...but I hate it. I hate that our special day has caused unnecessary stress on people that we love and care about. If I knew I wouldn't have ended up regretting it a few years down the road, I would have happily gone and gotten married at a small wedding chapel in South Carolina with only family in towe, and that would have happened probably a month ago instead.
Brad and I were talking the other night after feeling hurt, let down, and frustrated...we agreed that all we need is eachother to make our lives happy because we are eachothers' family now...I am responsible for making him feel happy and loved and he is responsible for making me feel happy and loved....no one else is a part of that equation ('cept God...).
So, I will end with a picture of our arms around eachother, smiling, because we couldn't be happier than to be holding on to eachother for the rest of our lives.
There have been small bouts of drama lately and I am actually baffled that it's happening because I guess I was nieve to think that things would be different with this wedding than other weddings. I guess everyone hopes that their special day will not affect others and that everyone will just be happy and smiling right along with you. I'd be lying if I said I haven't felt absolutely selfish throughout this whole process...I hate knowing that my parents have spent thousands of dollars on this one particular day and that they did it for me. I know I know, this is the one day I'm allowed to be selfish...but I hate it. I hate that our special day has caused unnecessary stress on people that we love and care about. If I knew I wouldn't have ended up regretting it a few years down the road, I would have happily gone and gotten married at a small wedding chapel in South Carolina with only family in towe, and that would have happened probably a month ago instead.
Brad and I were talking the other night after feeling hurt, let down, and frustrated...we agreed that all we need is eachother to make our lives happy because we are eachothers' family now...I am responsible for making him feel happy and loved and he is responsible for making me feel happy and loved....no one else is a part of that equation ('cept God...).
So, I will end with a picture of our arms around eachother, smiling, because we couldn't be happier than to be holding on to eachother for the rest of our lives.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Conservative Thoughts on Marriage
I often run off 6 hours or less of sleep. I'm grateful for 2 things.
1. I am grateful that I am a morning person.
2. I am grateful that I love Brad enough to not allow my usual too-tired-to-be-nice attitude to take over at night when we are spending our time together.
We have company in all the time from out of town during the summer. I never realized it until this summer because I've never had anyone comment on it...I'm just so used to it that it doesn't even phase me. I think Brad enjoys how close all of my family is. Well I take that back, sort of. I think he enjoys it once he gets past the initial idea of it all. When he hears that company is coming in he kind of has one of those "oh geeze, more meet and greet..." attitudes. But then the company gets here and he sees that the atmosphere is laid back and relaxed and we just have a lot of laughs and THAT is when I see him come out of his shell and really start to be himself. I love watching how he is with people, he is so....great. I mean, I don't know how to describe it. He talks and laughs and tells stories and I love to watch him be the life of the party...it makes me so proud and I am more than happy to sit back quietly and let him take the lead.
You know how the Bible talks about a woman submitting to her husand? I know that is often a topic for discussion because, wow....that sure does seem like it gives the man the total upper hand and the woman has no voice what-so-ever. But what people fail to see is that the Bible also says for husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church. We know Christ obviously loved the church because well, anyone remember that whole dying on the cross thing? Yeah. Not to mention....he made a covenant with Israel and even though they screwed up left and right and broke their side of the covenant, God continued to love them and take care of them. So really, if you ask me, the women get the easier task out of the two. I mean, my husband has to love me enough to want to die for me? And all I have to do in turn is submit to his authority? Which if you think about it, if your husband truly loves you, submitting to him isn't going to be difficult because he's not going to require anything of you that would cause you harm or too much discomfort...right?
Okay, basically what I am trying to say in a round about way (get to the point!!) is that I am so willing and happy to be coming underneath Brad's authority because it's a worthwile sacrifice. I'm lucky to be marrying someone who thinks like me when it comes to marriage and the commitment that we are entering into together. There are so many marriages that start out with the wrong mindset or the couple hasn't even discussed what eachother's role will be in the marriage and they end up failing miserably and ending in a divorce.
I realize that I am a pretty hardcore conservative when it comes to marriage. I am comfortable with that. I tend to be pretty liberal when it comes to issues that are not outright black and white. But I feel like marriage is a black and white issue (not in regards to race, you know what I mean...) with little-to-no gray area.
You know how "they" say that when women are pregnant they start nesting and getting prepared and it's au natural? I feel like I'm in my nesting period for marriage. I want to be ready for my husband, I want to be ready to take care of him and be there for him and for him to be confident that I am there for him and trust him.
23 days...I can't wait to be home.
1. I am grateful that I am a morning person.
2. I am grateful that I love Brad enough to not allow my usual too-tired-to-be-nice attitude to take over at night when we are spending our time together.
We have company in all the time from out of town during the summer. I never realized it until this summer because I've never had anyone comment on it...I'm just so used to it that it doesn't even phase me. I think Brad enjoys how close all of my family is. Well I take that back, sort of. I think he enjoys it once he gets past the initial idea of it all. When he hears that company is coming in he kind of has one of those "oh geeze, more meet and greet..." attitudes. But then the company gets here and he sees that the atmosphere is laid back and relaxed and we just have a lot of laughs and THAT is when I see him come out of his shell and really start to be himself. I love watching how he is with people, he is so....great. I mean, I don't know how to describe it. He talks and laughs and tells stories and I love to watch him be the life of the party...it makes me so proud and I am more than happy to sit back quietly and let him take the lead.
You know how the Bible talks about a woman submitting to her husand? I know that is often a topic for discussion because, wow....that sure does seem like it gives the man the total upper hand and the woman has no voice what-so-ever. But what people fail to see is that the Bible also says for husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church. We know Christ obviously loved the church because well, anyone remember that whole dying on the cross thing? Yeah. Not to mention....he made a covenant with Israel and even though they screwed up left and right and broke their side of the covenant, God continued to love them and take care of them. So really, if you ask me, the women get the easier task out of the two. I mean, my husband has to love me enough to want to die for me? And all I have to do in turn is submit to his authority? Which if you think about it, if your husband truly loves you, submitting to him isn't going to be difficult because he's not going to require anything of you that would cause you harm or too much discomfort...right?
Okay, basically what I am trying to say in a round about way (get to the point!!) is that I am so willing and happy to be coming underneath Brad's authority because it's a worthwile sacrifice. I'm lucky to be marrying someone who thinks like me when it comes to marriage and the commitment that we are entering into together. There are so many marriages that start out with the wrong mindset or the couple hasn't even discussed what eachother's role will be in the marriage and they end up failing miserably and ending in a divorce.
I realize that I am a pretty hardcore conservative when it comes to marriage. I am comfortable with that. I tend to be pretty liberal when it comes to issues that are not outright black and white. But I feel like marriage is a black and white issue (not in regards to race, you know what I mean...) with little-to-no gray area.
You know how "they" say that when women are pregnant they start nesting and getting prepared and it's au natural? I feel like I'm in my nesting period for marriage. I want to be ready for my husband, I want to be ready to take care of him and be there for him and for him to be confident that I am there for him and trust him.
23 days...I can't wait to be home.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Give and Take
When it comes to how I "do" relationships, I am a follower and not a leader. I treat you how you treat me. If you are stand-offish and ignore me than I will probably do 2 things...
1. not call you anymore
2. ignore you
I get so frustrated with relationships in my life requiring more out of me than what the other person is willing to give. DO NOT put expectations on me that you are not willing to put on yourself, bottom line.
I am the kind of person that, I have no problem giving all that I have to maintain a relationship. I don't care if it takes me swallowing my pride, or requires an action/emotion that is not natural or characteristic of me, or I don't mind sitting up at 11:30 to talk to you about a problem even if I have to get up at 5:30 for work....I have no problem doing any of those things. But let me tell you this....I can only do that for so long without feeling like I could do or expect the very same thing out of you.
Now...it's not like I do those things because I am looking for them in return, I do them because I care. And I don't get upset if you don't do them because I am selfish and feel like I deserve them....I get upset because I do those things as a result of my love for you and expect you to do them for me because you love me too.
There have been numerous situations in my life lately that have brought this to the surface. It's not any one particular situation or individual, it's just a few situations added up and have left me where I am today.
1. not call you anymore
2. ignore you
I get so frustrated with relationships in my life requiring more out of me than what the other person is willing to give. DO NOT put expectations on me that you are not willing to put on yourself, bottom line.
I am the kind of person that, I have no problem giving all that I have to maintain a relationship. I don't care if it takes me swallowing my pride, or requires an action/emotion that is not natural or characteristic of me, or I don't mind sitting up at 11:30 to talk to you about a problem even if I have to get up at 5:30 for work....I have no problem doing any of those things. But let me tell you this....I can only do that for so long without feeling like I could do or expect the very same thing out of you.
Now...it's not like I do those things because I am looking for them in return, I do them because I care. And I don't get upset if you don't do them because I am selfish and feel like I deserve them....I get upset because I do those things as a result of my love for you and expect you to do them for me because you love me too.
There have been numerous situations in my life lately that have brought this to the surface. It's not any one particular situation or individual, it's just a few situations added up and have left me where I am today.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Home
I walked up the stairs and through the doorway, taking in the feeling and the anticipation. I sat down on our bed and looked around slowly, wanting to remember this feeling. I'm imagining how many times I'm going to sit down on this very same spot and look at these very same walls and take for granted the easy, comfortable feeling of home.
This is the bed that I am going to lay in with my husband every single night. These are the walls that I will look at every day, that will protect my husband and I from cold and rainy nights. That's the closet where our clothes will hang together. This is the room that will witness many a romantic night, where our children will be conceived, where we will whisper to eachother "I love you so much" while the other is sleeping soundly at 2am. These are the walls that will absorb arguments and heated conversations, words that neither of us meant to say.
These are OUR walls, this is OUR bed, this is OUR home.
And so I cried tears of happiness.
This is the bed that I am going to lay in with my husband every single night. These are the walls that I will look at every day, that will protect my husband and I from cold and rainy nights. That's the closet where our clothes will hang together. This is the room that will witness many a romantic night, where our children will be conceived, where we will whisper to eachother "I love you so much" while the other is sleeping soundly at 2am. These are the walls that will absorb arguments and heated conversations, words that neither of us meant to say.
These are OUR walls, this is OUR bed, this is OUR home.
And so I cried tears of happiness.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Writer's Block, Stephanie Style
Take a look at the close relationships in your life (significant other, family, friends, etc.), what are some of the perks and benefits that add to their significance? What makes the relationship so special and unique?
So Blessed!
I feel so lucky to be where I am, with what I have, and who I have around me. I was reading Leah's blog the other day (sure wish I knew how to link...) and she said something along the lines of, weddings bring out the worst in people and babies bring out the best. I am happy to say that, while that is true for most people, it is not true for me. I have seen so many nice things happen as a result of my wedding coming up. Sure, there has been some drama that could have been detrimental to the wedding going off without a hitch...but not drama stemming from the wedding planning itself.
I have had 2 bridal showers so far. Both have yielded many gifts and laughs and a genuine show of happiness for my fiance and I. Best bridal shower moment yet...me opening lingerie and touch massage oil and blushing like some shy virgin...it's amazing what a year and a half of abstinence will do to a girls embarassment threshold.
Brad is moving into our townhouse today. I can't believe we are 32 days out, holy crap, I'm getting married folks!! Bridal shoot this weekend hopefully.
In other halarious news...an old friend from Raleigh sent me a message on MySpace that he would love to hang out sometime. I told him I would love to hang out, just dont expect me to drink a whole bunch because I had started going back to church and am now a christian and blah blah blah. He hasn't replied yet, and I think it's halarious. It just makes me appreciate my accepting friends so much more...Melanie, Laura, Rob, Becca, etc.
Work time...
I have had 2 bridal showers so far. Both have yielded many gifts and laughs and a genuine show of happiness for my fiance and I. Best bridal shower moment yet...me opening lingerie and touch massage oil and blushing like some shy virgin...it's amazing what a year and a half of abstinence will do to a girls embarassment threshold.
Brad is moving into our townhouse today. I can't believe we are 32 days out, holy crap, I'm getting married folks!! Bridal shoot this weekend hopefully.
In other halarious news...an old friend from Raleigh sent me a message on MySpace that he would love to hang out sometime. I told him I would love to hang out, just dont expect me to drink a whole bunch because I had started going back to church and am now a christian and blah blah blah. He hasn't replied yet, and I think it's halarious. It just makes me appreciate my accepting friends so much more...Melanie, Laura, Rob, Becca, etc.
Work time...
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Hello blog world! :)
So I've mentioned that my fiance is a teacher, and well, that's just kinda hot in my opinion. Don't ask, I guess I'm just weird like that. But he just had to go and make a bet with his kids that if they all passed he would get a mohawk...and you know what that means for me? The hot factor just quadrupled. If this man does not chill out, there is just going to be too much hot. Can there really be too much hot you ask? Yes. Guess it's a good thing I'm so attracted to him considering we both plan to live long lives together, but it's a bad thing that July 19th is still 44 days away....
Mohawk pictures to be added soon (if he will cooperate, he loathes pictures).
I love the pool. I just thought you should all know how much I love swimming and floating around in the refreshing water. But it's getting warmer outside and pretty soon the water won't be refreshing. Well, I hope it will be...but the pool got warmed up quick this year and before you know it, it will feel like bath water.
I am in such a wonderful mood this morning. My whole week turned around and I'm feeling great. Tomorrow is Friday and that is just going to be awesome. After I get off work I'm taking my dress to Selma to get it altered (I know, I said I wasn't getting it altered, but I have enough stress to worry about without having to worry about 15/20 lbs to lose in 44 days...) and then Brad and I are going out to eat (on a DATE!) and then back to the house for a relaxing swim. Ahh, life is so good. The closer it gets to the wedding the more I wonder what I'm going to feel like that week at work, that night at the rehearsal, the next morning waiting for 2 o'clock to JUST GET HERE ALREADY, at the reception with my HUSBAND and that night when I get to be with my husband for the VERY FIRST TIME....that week no one is going to be able to talk to me. I think I'll be temporarily deaf, or temporarily living on another planet, and I'll be lookin' seriously spaced out. I remember on June 1st I was thinkin', dang, still have a month and a half to go! And now we're 5 days into the month and I'm like, where the heck did the last 5 days go?? So I know that the wedding will be here before we know it.
We paid for the carpet last week in the townhouse and we're waiting on an install date (Wednesday!). Once the carpet gets put in I will be taking and posting pictures for sure, I can't wait :) I hung our first picture the other day after my bridal shower. I also got to meet one of our neighbors (out back, directly behind us) and she's flippin' great. She's a total hippy and just got done island hopping (?!?!!)...I can't wait to hear some stories and get to know her.
Guess that's all for now!
Mohawk pictures to be added soon (if he will cooperate, he loathes pictures).
I love the pool. I just thought you should all know how much I love swimming and floating around in the refreshing water. But it's getting warmer outside and pretty soon the water won't be refreshing. Well, I hope it will be...but the pool got warmed up quick this year and before you know it, it will feel like bath water.
I am in such a wonderful mood this morning. My whole week turned around and I'm feeling great. Tomorrow is Friday and that is just going to be awesome. After I get off work I'm taking my dress to Selma to get it altered (I know, I said I wasn't getting it altered, but I have enough stress to worry about without having to worry about 15/20 lbs to lose in 44 days...) and then Brad and I are going out to eat (on a DATE!) and then back to the house for a relaxing swim. Ahh, life is so good. The closer it gets to the wedding the more I wonder what I'm going to feel like that week at work, that night at the rehearsal, the next morning waiting for 2 o'clock to JUST GET HERE ALREADY, at the reception with my HUSBAND and that night when I get to be with my husband for the VERY FIRST TIME....that week no one is going to be able to talk to me. I think I'll be temporarily deaf, or temporarily living on another planet, and I'll be lookin' seriously spaced out. I remember on June 1st I was thinkin', dang, still have a month and a half to go! And now we're 5 days into the month and I'm like, where the heck did the last 5 days go?? So I know that the wedding will be here before we know it.
We paid for the carpet last week in the townhouse and we're waiting on an install date (Wednesday!). Once the carpet gets put in I will be taking and posting pictures for sure, I can't wait :) I hung our first picture the other day after my bridal shower. I also got to meet one of our neighbors (out back, directly behind us) and she's flippin' great. She's a total hippy and just got done island hopping (?!?!!)...I can't wait to hear some stories and get to know her.
Guess that's all for now!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Summer Time, and the Livin's Easy
I love that summer feels like it does. It's not just the warm weather, but the feeling of long nights relaxing lazily. I'm lucky enough to live in a home with not only a pool, but a pond and a stream too...and I am so grateful. I love getting home from work and eating a nice dinner cooked on the grill and then sitting out back rocking with my feet up and head leaned back, eyes closed, playing footsies with my future husband. Ahh, what a life.
And then it gets more warm and this wonderful attitude I have right now goes straight out the window. I plan to work on that this year...lol.
I haven't continued writing about the things I had planned to write about, because life is so good right now that I don't need to look into the past to feel happy. I miss those friendships, but they are happy memories and I'm content to leave them there right now. I have so much planned this summer and so many things to look forward to. There are blossoming friendships, late night swims, marrying the man I'm head over heels for and enjoying alll that comes with that, family reunions, spending time with my brother, adopting a brand new family, beginning a new life as a wife and not just a daughter. Things are wonderful, and that warm breeze blowing softly through my wildly curly hair only enhances the feeling.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Food Enemies Are Worse Than Food Allergies
So let’s talk about food here for a minute. Those of you that have seen me know that I obviously have a pretty healthy relationship with food. Not healthy in that my body is healthy, but healthy in that I’m not for want. I am proud to say that I’ve lost 50 lbs and continue to be on the losing track (well as long as I’m not slacking on the weekends…) so I'm on my way to a healthy body instead.
But how about we talk about what I really want to talk about, like cinnamon and eggs.
Don’t ask me why I want to provide you with two stories that would allow you never ending ammo in making fun of me…but I do think it’s funny and I like to make people laugh, so here we are.
Story Numero Uno:
Eggs. I love eggs; I can’t tell you how much I love eggs. One of my fonder memories is my father teaching me how to make a scrambled egg in the microwave. What a glorious day, the day I learned how to make an egg in one single minute. But no, that wasn’t enough for me, I wanted more. I wanted to have the luxury of an egg in the microwave, but with that warm, runny, yellow center. So I cracked the egg in the microwave safe dish and put it in the microwave for about a minute. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? So everything got nice and fluffy and white and boy-oh-boy did it look good! Until I saw the area around the yolk was still snot like in texture. So hey, how about another 30 seconds? And would you believe that area around the yolk still resembled snot?? I tell you what, I really contemplated another 30 seconds because technically I coulda’ made an authentic sunny side up egg right in the pan for the same amount of time at this point. But none the less, my little 12 year old mind just wasn’t fully developed (…or something.) and decided to go for another 30 seconds. I pull it out; the white of the egg is practically Rubbermaid Tupperware now. I take my fork and carefully peel back the white to reveal my beautiful flowing yellow TIME BOMB. That junk blew up in my face. Who knew that a yolk could turn into a live bomb all within 2 minutes? I wonder if terrorists know this…. There was egg EVERYWHERE. We lived on 4 acres of land at that time and our shed/garage thing was at the other end of the property. Well would you know that the dumb time bomb of an egg was loud enough that my father comes bolting in the house expecting to see his little girl in the company of a gun; instead he found his little girl covered in egg bits unable to move due to pure and utter shock. I unfortunately ended up with a wonderful scab above my left eye…and we had to stand on a chair to clean the ceiling.
Story Numero Dos:
So there was Alec, and he was pretty much a boney bundle of fun. And he and I and Erin and Nick used to hang out at my house a lot. He had a habit of offering up a dollar for any willing candidate to attempt a stunt of his choosing. I rarely cared for a dollar…or the embarrassment of attempting stunts I knew I could not accomplish. However, on this rare occasion, I felt pretty confident that I was a good candidate and that I would happily end up with a dollar in my pocket. Alec dared me that I could not swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon. I smiled real big because cinnamon is one of my favorite flavors in the world and I just knew that I could choke down a lousy tablespoon. You see where this is going I’m sure. So I get a nice little spoon full and tip my head back and dump into my mouth that rounded spoon full of cinnamon goodness. I was alright at first; I mean I think I definitely coughed a little because of its fine powdery consistency. But I quickly realized that I was incapable of breathing through my mouth…and to follow directly behind that realization, the realization that I also could not breathe through my nose. Who knew that cinnamon was a life sucking, soul capturing, jerk of a spice? It does this thing where as you are swallowing, the moisture in your mouth basically becomes nonexistent right about that point where your nasal cavity meets your throat. So Nick and Erin were just overcome with laughter by now; we had one thing and one thing only in common…there was tears running down each of our cheeks. Poor Alec was freaking out about as much as I was, pounding me on the back shouting the command of, “BREATHE!” And boy did I try. After many glasses of water, a lot of coughing and gagging, and a sink full of chunky cinnamon I could breathe again. My throat hurt for about a week after that and I still have a bad feeling when I eat anything with a strong cinnamon flavor.
So there you have it, 2 of my favorite foods becoming my enemies because of my own stupidity. It is okay if you laugh, I’m still alive, breathing, and smiling to the max! :)
And for the record, I never got a dollar from Alec. I mean, I didn't successfully accomplish the task, therefore, no dollar. I vote that I should have gotten the dollar for nothing less than a fearless attempt...
But how about we talk about what I really want to talk about, like cinnamon and eggs.
Don’t ask me why I want to provide you with two stories that would allow you never ending ammo in making fun of me…but I do think it’s funny and I like to make people laugh, so here we are.
Story Numero Uno:
Eggs. I love eggs; I can’t tell you how much I love eggs. One of my fonder memories is my father teaching me how to make a scrambled egg in the microwave. What a glorious day, the day I learned how to make an egg in one single minute. But no, that wasn’t enough for me, I wanted more. I wanted to have the luxury of an egg in the microwave, but with that warm, runny, yellow center. So I cracked the egg in the microwave safe dish and put it in the microwave for about a minute. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? So everything got nice and fluffy and white and boy-oh-boy did it look good! Until I saw the area around the yolk was still snot like in texture. So hey, how about another 30 seconds? And would you believe that area around the yolk still resembled snot?? I tell you what, I really contemplated another 30 seconds because technically I coulda’ made an authentic sunny side up egg right in the pan for the same amount of time at this point. But none the less, my little 12 year old mind just wasn’t fully developed (…or something.) and decided to go for another 30 seconds. I pull it out; the white of the egg is practically Rubbermaid Tupperware now. I take my fork and carefully peel back the white to reveal my beautiful flowing yellow TIME BOMB. That junk blew up in my face. Who knew that a yolk could turn into a live bomb all within 2 minutes? I wonder if terrorists know this…. There was egg EVERYWHERE. We lived on 4 acres of land at that time and our shed/garage thing was at the other end of the property. Well would you know that the dumb time bomb of an egg was loud enough that my father comes bolting in the house expecting to see his little girl in the company of a gun; instead he found his little girl covered in egg bits unable to move due to pure and utter shock. I unfortunately ended up with a wonderful scab above my left eye…and we had to stand on a chair to clean the ceiling.
Story Numero Dos:
So there was Alec, and he was pretty much a boney bundle of fun. And he and I and Erin and Nick used to hang out at my house a lot. He had a habit of offering up a dollar for any willing candidate to attempt a stunt of his choosing. I rarely cared for a dollar…or the embarrassment of attempting stunts I knew I could not accomplish. However, on this rare occasion, I felt pretty confident that I was a good candidate and that I would happily end up with a dollar in my pocket. Alec dared me that I could not swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon. I smiled real big because cinnamon is one of my favorite flavors in the world and I just knew that I could choke down a lousy tablespoon. You see where this is going I’m sure. So I get a nice little spoon full and tip my head back and dump into my mouth that rounded spoon full of cinnamon goodness. I was alright at first; I mean I think I definitely coughed a little because of its fine powdery consistency. But I quickly realized that I was incapable of breathing through my mouth…and to follow directly behind that realization, the realization that I also could not breathe through my nose. Who knew that cinnamon was a life sucking, soul capturing, jerk of a spice? It does this thing where as you are swallowing, the moisture in your mouth basically becomes nonexistent right about that point where your nasal cavity meets your throat. So Nick and Erin were just overcome with laughter by now; we had one thing and one thing only in common…there was tears running down each of our cheeks. Poor Alec was freaking out about as much as I was, pounding me on the back shouting the command of, “BREATHE!” And boy did I try. After many glasses of water, a lot of coughing and gagging, and a sink full of chunky cinnamon I could breathe again. My throat hurt for about a week after that and I still have a bad feeling when I eat anything with a strong cinnamon flavor.
So there you have it, 2 of my favorite foods becoming my enemies because of my own stupidity. It is okay if you laugh, I’m still alive, breathing, and smiling to the max! :)
And for the record, I never got a dollar from Alec. I mean, I didn't successfully accomplish the task, therefore, no dollar. I vote that I should have gotten the dollar for nothing less than a fearless attempt...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Tongue Lashings
I'm taking a break writing about my past friendships for a moment and writing something different. I wrote this same thing on my livejournal, but decided to write it here too since it is a fairly personal glimpse into the person I am trying to be...Might be helpful for anyone who doesn't know me, but would like to.
Feeling kinda weird today. Feeling a little somber, little quiet, feeling small. As always, not sure I can get my words out right to describe what I'm really feeling. I guess I just feel little. Or belittled. Maybe that's better. I hold my tongue in lots of aspects of life because it is the right thing to do, but sometimes I just want that release. I'm not sure why, any other time I've chosen to not hold my tongue it has always been ended up disasterous. I've ruined various friendships/relationships and really hurt people, causing a lot of regret. It's really kind of funny. People have always told me that I'm one of the nicest people they've ever met, that they can't see me being mean, or they can't see me being hurtful, or that they can't see me losing my temper...and I'd love it if I could say that they were right. But I've had my time of losing control, I've had my moments of pure and utter rage, I've had moments where I couldn't believe that those words came out of my mouth or those actions were my own.
But through all of that, I've learned that sometimes holding my tongue or speaking enouraging words instead is more often than not the better choice. Proverbs 15:1 says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" and I've kind of taken on that attitude, not even kind of, I definately have. The thing is that it's not easy, by any means. And I often wonder if I'm going to end up being bitter about it down the road and turn into some outspoken, hated, bitty of a woman that needs her tongue cut out, because hooo boy!
But even more so than wondering that...I honestly believe and pray that as I continue to do the right thing, my heart will remain soft and that as time goes by it will become easier and easier to make the right choices, and based on experience...I will be blessed for my choices. I guess you could compare it to some people's belief in Kharma...along the same lines, I believe scripture in that...you reap what you sew. You get back what you put in. And I really hope that in the mean time, those good decisions will be an example. Gosh that sounds really self-righteous and self-centered....but that's not how I mean it. I just know that, sure, sometimes I just want to let loose and go off...but all the other times I feel so much better knowing I did the right thing. And that's really the example I want to be, if possible...I don't know what I'm hoping to prove by typing all of this out and babbling on and on, except to hopefully puff myself back up a little bit and stop feeling like what I have to say doesn't matter. I'm going to school to be a counselor for God's sake...if what I say doesn't matter to SOMEONE, than I'm wasting thousands of dollars on my education...not to mention a lot of time and energy.
Feeling kinda weird today. Feeling a little somber, little quiet, feeling small. As always, not sure I can get my words out right to describe what I'm really feeling. I guess I just feel little. Or belittled. Maybe that's better. I hold my tongue in lots of aspects of life because it is the right thing to do, but sometimes I just want that release. I'm not sure why, any other time I've chosen to not hold my tongue it has always been ended up disasterous. I've ruined various friendships/relationships and really hurt people, causing a lot of regret. It's really kind of funny. People have always told me that I'm one of the nicest people they've ever met, that they can't see me being mean, or they can't see me being hurtful, or that they can't see me losing my temper...and I'd love it if I could say that they were right. But I've had my time of losing control, I've had my moments of pure and utter rage, I've had moments where I couldn't believe that those words came out of my mouth or those actions were my own.
But through all of that, I've learned that sometimes holding my tongue or speaking enouraging words instead is more often than not the better choice. Proverbs 15:1 says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" and I've kind of taken on that attitude, not even kind of, I definately have. The thing is that it's not easy, by any means. And I often wonder if I'm going to end up being bitter about it down the road and turn into some outspoken, hated, bitty of a woman that needs her tongue cut out, because hooo boy!
But even more so than wondering that...I honestly believe and pray that as I continue to do the right thing, my heart will remain soft and that as time goes by it will become easier and easier to make the right choices, and based on experience...I will be blessed for my choices. I guess you could compare it to some people's belief in Kharma...along the same lines, I believe scripture in that...you reap what you sew. You get back what you put in. And I really hope that in the mean time, those good decisions will be an example. Gosh that sounds really self-righteous and self-centered....but that's not how I mean it. I just know that, sure, sometimes I just want to let loose and go off...but all the other times I feel so much better knowing I did the right thing. And that's really the example I want to be, if possible...I don't know what I'm hoping to prove by typing all of this out and babbling on and on, except to hopefully puff myself back up a little bit and stop feeling like what I have to say doesn't matter. I'm going to school to be a counselor for God's sake...if what I say doesn't matter to SOMEONE, than I'm wasting thousands of dollars on my education...not to mention a lot of time and energy.
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