Food Enemies Are Worse Than Food Allergies

So let’s talk about food here for a minute. Those of you that have seen me know that I obviously have a pretty healthy relationship with food. Not healthy in that my body is healthy, but healthy in that I’m not for want. I am proud to say that I’ve lost 50 lbs and continue to be on the losing track (well as long as I’m not slacking on the weekends…) so I'm on my way to a healthy body instead.

But how about we talk about what I really want to talk about, like cinnamon and eggs.
Don’t ask me why I want to provide you with two stories that would allow you never ending ammo in making fun of me…but I do think it’s funny and I like to make people laugh, so here we are.

Story Numero Uno:

Eggs. I love eggs; I can’t tell you how much I love eggs. One of my fonder memories is my father teaching me how to make a scrambled egg in the microwave. What a glorious day, the day I learned how to make an egg in one single minute. But no, that wasn’t enough for me, I wanted more. I wanted to have the luxury of an egg in the microwave, but with that warm, runny, yellow center. So I cracked the egg in the microwave safe dish and put it in the microwave for about a minute. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? So everything got nice and fluffy and white and boy-oh-boy did it look good! Until I saw the area around the yolk was still snot like in texture. So hey, how about another 30 seconds? And would you believe that area around the yolk still resembled snot?? I tell you what, I really contemplated another 30 seconds because technically I coulda’ made an authentic sunny side up egg right in the pan for the same amount of time at this point. But none the less, my little 12 year old mind just wasn’t fully developed (…or something.) and decided to go for another 30 seconds. I pull it out; the white of the egg is practically Rubbermaid Tupperware now. I take my fork and carefully peel back the white to reveal my beautiful flowing yellow TIME BOMB. That junk blew up in my face. Who knew that a yolk could turn into a live bomb all within 2 minutes? I wonder if terrorists know this…. There was egg EVERYWHERE. We lived on 4 acres of land at that time and our shed/garage thing was at the other end of the property. Well would you know that the dumb time bomb of an egg was loud enough that my father comes bolting in the house expecting to see his little girl in the company of a gun; instead he found his little girl covered in egg bits unable to move due to pure and utter shock. I unfortunately ended up with a wonderful scab above my left eye…and we had to stand on a chair to clean the ceiling.

Story Numero Dos:

So there was Alec, and he was pretty much a boney bundle of fun. And he and I and Erin and Nick used to hang out at my house a lot. He had a habit of offering up a dollar for any willing candidate to attempt a stunt of his choosing. I rarely cared for a dollar…or the embarrassment of attempting stunts I knew I could not accomplish. However, on this rare occasion, I felt pretty confident that I was a good candidate and that I would happily end up with a dollar in my pocket. Alec dared me that I could not swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon. I smiled real big because cinnamon is one of my favorite flavors in the world and I just knew that I could choke down a lousy tablespoon. You see where this is going I’m sure. So I get a nice little spoon full and tip my head back and dump into my mouth that rounded spoon full of cinnamon goodness. I was alright at first; I mean I think I definitely coughed a little because of its fine powdery consistency. But I quickly realized that I was incapable of breathing through my mouth…and to follow directly behind that realization, the realization that I also could not breathe through my nose. Who knew that cinnamon was a life sucking, soul capturing, jerk of a spice? It does this thing where as you are swallowing, the moisture in your mouth basically becomes nonexistent right about that point where your nasal cavity meets your throat. So Nick and Erin were just overcome with laughter by now; we had one thing and one thing only in common…there was tears running down each of our cheeks. Poor Alec was freaking out about as much as I was, pounding me on the back shouting the command of, “BREATHE!” And boy did I try. After many glasses of water, a lot of coughing and gagging, and a sink full of chunky cinnamon I could breathe again. My throat hurt for about a week after that and I still have a bad feeling when I eat anything with a strong cinnamon flavor.

So there you have it, 2 of my favorite foods becoming my enemies because of my own stupidity. It is okay if you laugh, I’m still alive, breathing, and smiling to the max! :)

And for the record, I never got a dollar from Alec. I mean, I didn't successfully accomplish the task, therefore, no dollar. I vote that I should have gotten the dollar for nothing less than a fearless attempt...