Word [Press].

I moved. I hear that's how it works, or something.

Honestly? I'm just getting tired of using a different email account for my blog than anything else. New last name, new blog.

http://stephanieparnell.wordpress.com/

Too Blue to Entertain You

This has been a majorly 'blah' week for me. My attitude is fairly rotten, and belongs in the garbage. I would like to be able to blame it on those lovely 3 letters women were raised to believe are a valid excuse for all things crabby...but that's just not the case. I have my ideas, but I don't like those either. Ignore and Deny, my newest best friends.

I think I got some decent sleep last night, because I'm feeling slightly better today. I woke up feeling like I was never going to be fully alive again EV-AR, and here I am at 10am feeling alright with the world. Oh roller coaster, why can't I quit you?

I do feel bad for my attitude last night. My poor husband...he had an amazing day, was obviously in an amazing mood, and obviously super stoked to just be by my side last night. I could not seem to get a grip, not fair to him at all. Has anyone else noticed that it's a rare day when both significant others are in an equally good mood? It's usually that one person had a terrible day and the other had an amazing day, am I right? The best days, the heartiest laughs, the biggest smiles, the squeeziest hugs? Those are the rare day that we both are in wonderful moods and we love eachother more than words. Okay, that's not exactly fair to say. I love him more than words every day, I just don't choose to show him that I love him more than words every day.

I gotta get a grip. I gotta get some sleep. And I got a plan. But don't hold your breath, I'm certainly not holding mine.

p.s. Thank God for awesome customers who can lighten this day. I feel like Anne of Green Gables and I just met my bosom friend.

Blogging: A Habit Not Worth Giving Up

Four whole days since I've blogged. I have had so many snippets of interest to say, but I never know how to compose them into one solidly written blog. I could always do bullets...but that should be saved for LiveJournal because, not so much.

This week has been really long and tiresome. I have slept fairly well, but wake up feeling like a zombie. I can't seem to get out of the fog, no matter how many cups of coffee or glasses of green tea I drink. This past weekend just exhausted me and we haven't had time to play catch up. I had gotten in the habit of getting up when Brad went downstairs and packing his lunch and saying goodbye. Once he left I would do the dishes and fold any laundry that needed to be folded and then check my blog rolls, email and then get logged in for work. But this past week I have found it difficult to get up. I usually wander downstairs about 5 minutes later than he does and he is usually already packing his lunch. I say goodbye to him and can't find the energy to do the dishes or fold laundry, promising I'll do it after I get off work (I have an hour and a half before work, and an hour and a half before he gets home from work). I end up doing it half-heartedly and usually only half the job gets finished. I finally got my butt in gear this morning, but that's because it's Friday and we are having company tomorrow...I want to sleep in tomorrow and not stress over cleaning before cooking dinner and making dessert; I figure the more I finish today, the less I have to do tomorrow. I know this won't last long...but I'm ready for that one night of sleep that will fix me.

I think I have finally figured out why blogging can be sometimes difficult for me. It is because, a blog seems to either be about something negative or positive and never just general. That could be because of my outlook on things, or just because my life is pretty boring, unless something terrible happens or something exciting happens. It's easy to write about the happy things (marriage, love, family) and easy to write about the things that make me exceptionally angry....but it's not easy to write about the mundane. So I guess my point is...I'm tired of the mundane. I want my life to be exciting all the time, even if it's not the most comfortable. I want something to write about! I want a life worth writing about every single day....because it's just that interesting! Now comes the scary part, the part where I figure out that what I just asked for and pleaded for can actually suck sometimes. Boy, I sure am picky :)

So I've received a few suggestions on this wonderful attempt we are making to begin expanding our family. I'll spare you a few of the suggestions because, eww and umm, DUH. But I did decide to start taking my temperature each morning to determine when I am truly....ripe [the word "ovulating" kinda' makes me cringe]. Before you go getting your panties in a wad, it's a normal thermometer and definately not the kind you are probably thinking. I mean, do they even MAKE those kinds of thermometers? Don't tell me, I don't wanna know. Ew.

So in closing, I'm tired and I'm tired of the roller coaster and we're trying to make babies (or even just one.). The End.

6 Whole Months, You Complete Me.

Yesterday was our 6 month anniversary (Dating, of course. We've been married for almost 2 months now). It seems so weird that someone I see every single day and love so deeply (that it can only be displayed through my eyes and in our most intimate moments) has only been a part of my life for 6 months. It's amazing how ready my heart was for him, and also how ready his heart was for me. We are both still kind of blown away at our lives and how we now live them together, instead of seperately.
This past weekened we drove up to Maryland with my parents and brother to go visit family and participate in a surprise birthday party for my grandfather who turned 70. We had a lot of fun together and I can't tell you how many members of my family pulled me to the side to tell me how happy I seem and that Brad already feels like such a part of the family, and that they can't remember what it was like without him or that he fits in so well he may as well have been here all along. I know that has to make him feel good, it sure does make me feel good.
I got to see my cousin and her newest baby, Hayden. The whole trip was a success and it was such a great time seeing my family and things just felt...perfect. My life is complete, that's honestly how he makes me feel. Sure I want a child and to expand our family and all of the wonderful stuff...but I'm so perfectly content that, everything else just seems so much less important than loving this man and being loved.
Pictures and video on Flickr!

Weekend Travels, Much to Look Forward To.

Tomorrow we leave for a weekend in Maryland, to [surprise] celebrate my grandfather's 70th birthday. I am really looking forward to it. Not the drive, mind you, but the fun we'll have once we arrive. My family loves Brad and Brad loves my family...so it makes for a lot of fun and laughs when we all get together.

Tomorrow I have the day off, but Brad has to work a half day. So he is leaving his truck with me and taking my car and I will pack our bags, clean our house, and load the truck up. My brother and dad will be riding with us, mom is flying up there today. I'm excited because when we get up there Friday, we turn around leave an hour later to go see 2 of my [third] cousins play a show...they are in a band. It will be a long day, but a fun night.

Saturday we get up and help my [second] cousin get ready for the surprise party for my Pop-pop. That will be an all day event and a lot of fun...save we get no bad weather from Hannah. I don't know what all is planned, but we'll be seeing family we don't get to see too often and it's always a blast when everyone breaks out their guitars and plays some old school country and blue grass (even though I'm not much of a fan...it does takes talent).

Sunday we are going to get up and go to Baltimore to the Blue Moon Cafe, which Brad and I saw featured on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. We've been dying to go ever since it was on that show and it looks so delicious. Mom, Dad, and Bri are all going to go too and we will begin our trek back to NC from there. The only thing that bites about this whole trip is that I forgot to take Monday off...I always take Monday off if I made an out of town trip...oops. So that will unfortunately make for a very tiring week next week, but it's all good and totally worth it.

There are things on my mind that I can't stop thinking about, and it would get very old if I continued to blog about them daily. I am practicing self control, but just so you know...I'm thinking about Baby constantly...and I think about Brad even more often than that.

On a final note, I love having a new name after 23 years of the same 'ol common last name...but what do I do about my twitter and my blog? I tried to leave a comment as myself on someone's blog today and it would not let me use my new email address to leave the comment, I had to log in using the email address associated with this blog instead, boohoo whine whine.

I'm in an odd mood today...

me = high maintenance/needy and I don't know how to fix that...but I want to. (Simmer down now, I said this...not him. He says I'm normal.)

Today is a weird day. Last night was an amazing night. I'm ready for Friday so I can clean my house and pack mine and Brad's clothes and go see my family in Maryland. I'm super stoked about possibly making a date trip to Baltimore to visit a cafe that we saw on Food Network one time; captain crunch coated french toast and tasty cream cheese filled crepes...here I come! Hopefully anyway.

Broken dryer. Broken catalytic converter. Cracked and peeling tires. Grinding brakes. Fuzzy television. I think God is telling Brad and I we need to spend more time at home, less time in front of the tv...all while being naked. I think he's also trying to show us how grateful we need to be for the amazing parents he has blessed us with and the well-providing jobs we both have...because otherwise we would be stuck in a very bad way.

I'm so content. I like things how they are. The only change I am looking for is at least in the execution stage, no telling how long that will be though. I'm just so ready for this to happen, my stomach gets tight and my heart beats faster because, come on already! I can't imagine this taking a year or two or even more, and to think people say I am a patient person, psha.

Can I just say this one little thing without it being pointed at anyone in particular? Why do people feel the need to warn about obvious changes and requirements that come along with having a child instead of celebrating along side of? Do people really honestly believe that we have not thought about financing a child, daycare, middle-of-the-night feedings and why-wont-you-stop-crying moments and all of those other wonderful things that come with parenting? Please do not patronize me, I am not naive and I am certainly capable of thinking and processing information just as well as you.

So yes, life is good. Happy wife? check. Happy husband? check. With Child? 'E' for effort.

Gonna Make You Proud Baby

I have decided the word 'bitty' is not derived from the word 'bitch', but instead the word 'bitter', because what other excuse is there to act like that? Good Lord, my customers can be difficult to deal with sometimes...

On that note...

Sometimes I feel like I'm a total failure in regards to my goals and aspirations. Not that I am lacking in ideas, but in the "follow through" step that comes after realizing what your goals and aspirations are. I'm going to be 24 years old in a few months and I have only a few semesters under my belt for schooling...each semester with a different focus. That's one of those realizations that makes you frown and your shoulders slump. And then, if you are like me, you marry someone with a batchelors degree that teaches children the necessities of life everyday (in the way of mathematics) and your frown becomes a little deeper and your shoulders slump a little lower because, I have so much to be proud of and what do I possess that would make him proud?

I'm thankful that in the last year I have finally leveled with myself and decided that it's not about the financial aspect of a career that matters, but that everyday when I wake up I'm not dreading the decision I made to endure 2-4 years of schooling for THIS. But even so, this last year has still been frustrating in deciding which avenue to take to get to where I want to be. I've gone here, I've applied there, I've searched this and that...it's hard to feel like I actually have any direction what so ever; the financial aspect of things does not help.

Yesterday I applied at a local community college (that I have attended once before...) and I want to start this spring trying to obtain my associates in Human Services Technology. I love people, I love helping people, and I have finally embraced the compassion that I have secretly hated most of my life. I've often been walked on, I've often been taken advantage of, and I'm annoyingly forgiving. Sometimes I just want to stay angry, and then you people have to go and be so nice and prove that a kind answer truly does turn away wrath. So I've decided that in the same way someone is born to be an artist, or a writer, or an actor...I was born to be nice and use this heart shaped, size of a fist, pumping organ in my chest cavity to help you (that's right, YOU.) succeed in this cold, heartless world. Blech, can I throw up now? I know that sounds horrible. And don't take me too seriously, because, I kinda like that people can come to me to feel loved and special and like they are capable. But I just can't help but wonder if being made to help people rather than choosing on my own accord to help them is going to make things feel different. It's kinda like, I love some Krispy Kreme donuts...but if I had to make them every day and had the chance to eat them every day, would I still love them? Unfortunately, this is why I never follow through on my decisions. At least I think so anyway.

I know that I need to grow up. And I know that I need to become something more than what I currently am (even though it does pay nicely...). And that's why it doesn't matter if it gets old or it's difficult to help someone that wants you to do all the leg work for them....because it will give me the opportunity to be me every day that I climb out of bed, and it won't even take a grueling amount of effort. So that's that I guess. The nice thing is that it's not just me making this decision anymore, it's not just my money that I'm investing in my own future...I have a husband backing me (a teacher at that!) and his financial support is invested now too. Plus...I'd really like to make my husband and my children proud of the most important women in their lives. Because guess what? My cooking is pretty average......but my ability to show love and compassion in people's lives is where you see me begin to soar.

Wish me luck? I'll take some prayer too.

Life Changing to Apathy...

So I read this post by Sundry [http://www.sundrymourning.com/2008/08/26/dylan-six-months-and-counting/] (sure wish I knew how to link...) and I'm so overwhelmed with the desire to have a family.
We are trying to conceive now, and it hasn't been long at all since we started and I'm still full of hope and excitement. I can't wait to feel life forming in my body, knowing that when that child comes out of me it will be a combination of my husband and I and that this child will be a part of the rest of my life.
That is the part about making a family that is both scary and exciting all in the same swift heartbeat; this child will be a part of the total rest of my life and the love that I will have for this child is going to bypass any other love I've felt in my entire life.
I imagine picking my child up and supporting its tiny body in my hands, gazing at its gorgeous face, and running my fingers over its smooth cheeks. What is it going to feel like when I smoosh my lips up against its cheeks? What is it going to smell like when I pull it close and smell its little baby head? What am I going to feel like the first time my child responds to my touch in the same way that Dylan responds to Linda? How totally and completely overwhelmed by love and emotion will I be as our child grows and I begin to notice the features that resemble my own or my husbands'?
Lately what has been on my mind is, when does a parent stop marveling at their child and get so comfortable that the child becomes just another fixture in their lives? When do they become so numb to their miracle that they argue with them as if they were a stranger on the street? I've seen so many parents arguing with their children, I've witnessed a lot of heartbreak and hurt between parent and child around me lately and I'm so curious to know what changes and when. I'm not asking these things because I'm claiming that I will never be that way, because I know better than that. But I am just saying that I am curious to know.
My mom has always been there for me, always. She is a permanant fixture in my life and there have been many times in my life that I've not treated her with the absolute most respect that she deserves. From my perspective, there has been no life without her...she has always been there. From her perspective....there was life before me. There was love, friendships, hurt, anger, a first born child, family, etc. So I guess my question is, why does something that you one day thought would change your life forever become something that you are now comfortable with? Why is the magic of a child forgotten? Sometimes it's difficult for me to convey mood and emotion through my writing, so I hope it's understood my tone is not meant to be condescending or "mightier than thou", I am genuinely curious, if only for my future role as a parent.

So if I happen to have any readers, and if I happen to have any readers that are parents, or if I happen to have any readers that have any thoughts on the subject at hand.....let me have it!

Perfect, in a not so perfect way.

Brad and married life are everything I expected them to be. I'm exceedingly happy but I can also be oh-so-frustrated, too. We've worked through some things and have grown and I'm pretty sure this is how it's supposed to be. The amount of communicating we do is amazing and I'm so glad we can be honest with eachother about every.thing. When people say to give it time becase we are still in the honeymoon period, I can't even agree with that. Brad and I have never really had a honeymoon period, for one reason or another. That's not to say that I'm not head over heals in love with the guy and that the slightest touch of his hand doesn't still cause me to go over the moon...but I don't think we're in that fantasy land that believes marriage is going to be perfect and we're going to make babies and live this perfect life that is often portrayed on TV. We are not dillusional, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
Marriage takes work. Marriage takes communication. Marriage is uncomfortable, because there is no room for privacy (to a degree...). Marriage is the merging of two lives into one. And even though all of that sounds like total and complete crap and totally not worth it, it's not crap and it is worth it. The benefits of all of those things that marriage is? The benefits are just, beyond comprehension. That's why to me, it's so important to make sure he is happy. It's important to compromise on the little things, and sometimes even the big things. It's important to remember why we're here together and the journey that brought us here. It's important to remember the commitment that I made to him and the commitment that he made to me. When I'm really freaking angry and I can't even believe he can be so DENSE and I just want to be prideful and not speak to him and give him my "angry eyes" and shake my head at how unbelievable he can be....I remember that I had his ring engraved with "my love, my everything" and I realize that my love does not include anger (1 Corinthians 13:4-8...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails.) and that if I am going to really give him all of my love and I'm really going to give him my everything, than that means swallowing my pride and forgiving him for something he may not even realize he's done (and even for the things he does know he did)....because it's the right thing to do and because I really DO love him with all that I have inside of me.
Do I think that Bradley and I will always be able to let things roll off our backs as easily as we do now? No. Do I think it will always be as simple as saying, I love you more than that? Probably not. But I will damned if I don't, at the absolute very least, try to be everything that this marriage requires me to be, to be everything that HE needs me to be.

God I love that man so much, he makes my every decision to be bigger than my anger and my pride so totally and completely worth it, he makes me grow and learn and he makes me stronger...I love that he is a part of every single day of my life because I know that without him, my life would be great...but with him? It's better than I could have ever imagined.

Overwhelmed By Him

I wish I could elaborate on how my life is right now because it's blossoming and changing and shaping and there are moments of complete and total fear and insanity (within the confines of my mind....) and moments where I am so totally blown away at the perfection that is, my husband.
After a majorly in depth and lengthy discussion in the earliest hours of the day, things won't ever be the same. We have taken that next step, gone up a level, grown together, become even more unified. I can't stress to you enough the feeling...the indescribable feeling of marriage. It is a mystery...this desire to be someone's everything, even if it means swallowing your own pride and doing what you know in your heart is right by them. It is a mystery that someone would do that for ME, that someone could love me enough to be exactly what my heart needs not only to stay alive, but to thrive and work at full capacity. I sat on our couch in our living room, shaking my head as tears streamed down my cheeks...I can't comprehend that he loves me so much. I can't comprehend that he wants to be beside me, standing tall and strong...just to be my rock. I can't comprehend that it's not for his sake, but for my own. For me. No other reason than that. Total and complete self sacrifice.
I shake my head, try and brush off the selfish feelings that well up inside of me and attempt to revel in the feeling of being someone's everything. I should be enjoying this feeling, but it makes me feel small. I'm not worthy of your everything....I don't deserve the sacrifice of your heart, and yet you tell me that I do. [No I don't, how can you say that, you don't really believe that, do you?]
With time my confidence will grow. It will be okay that I'm his everything, because he is mine as well. He gave me his whole heart because he trusts me that I will take care of it and guard it with my life. He trusts me because I've also given him mine to take care of in the same way. My life is no longer my own, it's ours. I wish I could describe to you the wave of differing emotions that wash over me when I think of forever, when I think of Brad, when I think of what is to come, and when I think of everything we've already tackled in this short period of time. It is a truly indescribable feeling that I think you can only understand once you've felt it yourself. I hope this is what it's supposed to feel like, because if not I need to know how I got so lucky.
It's such a humbling experience to be loved so deeply by someone. It makes me strive to be more, to be better, to be the best.....because he deserves that. I think when you offer yourself so completely to someone, you only deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, the utmost regard.
I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope he knows that he is so totally and completely worth every single day for the rest of my life.

Day to Day Life

I have forgotten what it is like to sleep with someone. Brad and I are still getting used to sleeping in the same bed. We want to be close and cuddle and be right up next to eachother. But it ends up being either very uncomfortable (gets really hot) or we end up awake half the night. We both said last night around 1am that it sure would be nice to get to bed before midnight one night... we haven't made it to bed before midnight since we got home.

But boy oh boy do I love the married life. I can't get over how awesome Brad is, totally and completely. I love the teamwork effort that we have and we try and beat eachother to doing nice things for eachother (ie. cooking eachother breakfast, loading the dishwasher, etc). We bought a devotional last night that we are going to do together...we decided to start getting up in the morning and praying together. I love that I have found someone I can do life with and know that we have the same focus and the same drive for what is important in life, our lives at least.

It's obvious that I can't say enough about Brad and being married and how much I love him and just the awesome stuff that goes along with being his wife and even just a wife period...but it's frustrating when people say "enjoy it now because it won't always be that way". I understand that I can't just live in a fantasy world and believe that life as I knew it before is gone and the rest is just butterflies and fields of flowers, I do get that. But why do I have to feel like there is a looming black cloud a mile away that could speed up and ruin this streak of happiness? Is that really necessary? Can't I be realistic without being pessimistic? I like that people are concerned for me...makes me feel all special and stuff. But why can't people also just be HAPPY for me? That would make me feel special too.

Anyways, this has been an incredibly long week because I've been sick and also because we are finally done traveling and are settling into our routine of life together. We had date night last night and went to dinner and the christian book store to buy a devotional. We have reserved Friday nights for hanging out with friends and other couples....but guess what? I'm so exhausted from this week that I want nothing more than to just enjoy our home quietly, just the two of us. Our weekly routine seems like it's going to be slightly overwhelming and date nights are going to be like a tiny little 3 hour vacation from the outside world.
Here is our weekly routine starting with Sundays...

Sunday: church, lunch with mom and dad, youth group
Monday: work, lunch with mom and dad P
Tuesday: work, worship practice
Wednesday: work, church
Thursday: work, date night!
Friday: work, Seven/couples date
Saturday: reserved for cleaning and friends

I guess I can be excited because I do get to work home for a month at a time and only back on campus for 2 weeks before I get to be back home for a month again. When I start to feel overwhelmed is when people get angry that I haven't made time for them...I want to be a good friend, but there are so many people that are worth making time for and it's difficult and really overwhelming.

Well, enough of all of this....I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Married!

Over these last 6 days we've continued to grow even closer and it's the most awesome feeling being able to look beside me and know that he is there. The deep conversations, the moments of just looking at eachother, the familiarity and the closeness, the smiles, the laughs....my wow! moments come when I start to think that I get this for the rest of my liveable life, I get to have him as a part of the rest of my life. I know things will change and we'll grow and it won't always be as easy as it is right now...but the fact that I know he is there and will be...it makes it all okay. I wish it was like this for everyone, there isn't not one individual that doesn't deserve to be this happy, not a single one.

Love Hurts

Brad has been leaving later and later each night because it's getting closer and closer to our day.
It's surprising how, no matter how much you tell your heart it has to wait until 'such and such' a day to commit on a marriage level, it just won't listen. It's crazy how all of a sudden one day you can wake up and be someone's wife but not feel like the commitment and expectation should not have already started prior to the date. It's just like with in-laws.....do they just all of a sudden become your mother-in-law or brother-in-law or do you start preparing your heart to love them on that level long before that actual day?
So anyways, back to my point...Brad left around midnight last night. I walked him out to his truck and engaged in a truly sappy goodnight that left me feeling reflective and on a cloud somewhere in The Land of Love. As I am walking back to the house from his truck, I was looking to my neighbors house to see if I needed to be embarassed or not. After verifying that our moment was indeed a private one, I turn to look back at the front door (which would be the direction in which I was walking.) and smacked the side of my head into some conduit piping that was peaking out of the back of my dad's work truck. Instant reaction was hand to head, but there was more pipe, so I scratched my hand also.
The side of my head has a wonderful scratch and some red puffiness. Now, you all recall the picture I posted yesterday of my hair-do for the wedding, right? Yeah...an UP DO. I am lucky to have a skilled make-up artist on the job for Saturday. I am also lucky that it was not my wedding band hand that was scratched. I guess if bad things are going to happen you have to look at the bright side to make it okay, right?
So anyways, just thought I would let you all know that, in so many words or less, love smacked me upside the head last night.

The [un]Veiling!

4 Days and Counting....I do believe I am glowing.
I really love fake n' bake because of the wonderful even tan that it gives. I don't do it often, only for special occasions-Prom, bridesmaid in Nate and Sami's wedding, and now for my own wedding. One thing that has happened this go 'round that has never happened before is...raccoon eyes. I try and follow the safety guidelines for tanning because I know that it can be bad for you and I would like to prevent those bad things from happening if at all possible, this is why I wear the goggles. However....I've also never experienced the raccoon eyes like I am right now. I'm thinking about using the fake tan lotion stuff to try and blend it, but who wants orange eyes with a nice brown face and body?? I don't know how I'm going to resolve this...but I have 4 days to figure it out.
I am pretty stoked for these 4 days to fly by. We have new company coming in each day this week. Great Grandmother and Uncle last night, long time family friends tonight, Aunt, Uncle, and Grandparents tomorrow, and more family Thursday and Friday. That makes for a fast week, and I couldn't be more pleased.
I'll be letting someone use my camera at the wedding so that I can get pictures up quicker than from the photographer...gotta figure out who to get to do that....someone who is into pictures as much as I am...we shall see!

Anyways, can't wait to let you wonderful non-existant readers in on my wedding! It's going to be spectacular!

When the Cat is Away....

Brad left this morning to go out of town (2 whole states away!) until Sunday afternoon, when upon return he will be playing in a golf outing. Considering he is not having a bachelor party or what have you next week, he is making up for it this weekend...or so it seems, lol.

I will tell you this, in the 4 months (4 whole months! It even feels longer than that.) that we've been together, we have only been away from eachother for at most, 2days (ATF).

I don't depend on Brad in the sense that I need his presence to make my day functional, but I depend on him in the sense that...he makes my day better than it could ever be with just me. I've said it once and I'll say it again...I am one needy chick. It's going to be a long few days...I will be filling them with packing, unpacking, organizing, cleaning, and warm times with an old and dear friend. This is my last weekend of single life...it's something I am more than willing to part with. I have so much to look forward to. I think he will miss me this weekend too, that's what it seemed like when we were saying goodbye this morning anyway...He missed me while I was at ATF and we've grown a lot closer since then (3 months of seeing eachother every day...).

Along with Brad being out of town comes, my first night in the townhouse :)I do admit this is something I am looking forward to. Don't get me wrong, my first night in the townhouse with my HUSBAND is going to be pretty B.A. as well....but there is something about being here alone that makes me feel like I'm being sneaky, and that is something I don't do much of these days, lol. He asked me if I wanted him to load the shotgun for me....have I mentioned that my redneck fiance (okay, he's not actually redneck at all....maybe just a bit country) keeps a shotgun next to his pillow right beside our bed? Yeah, he does. Being one that has never shot a gun with real bullets (BB guns don't count...), this made me a little nervous at first. I'm getting used to the idea because I've had about 3 people offer to teach us how to shoot correctly and safely.

The countdown is down to 8 days. I am getting married next Saturday. I get to attend a friends' wedding this weekend (same colors, same flower type, same officiant, same sanctuary) and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all works out and looks. We have everything done wedding wise, except that Brad has still not purchased his grooms gifts....tisk tisk tisk.

Time is closing in on us and I feel my heart beating faster, my eyes sparkling brighter and my mouth not being able to lose the smirk that quickly has spread to a an all-out-ear-to-ear-grin, I'm gettin' hitched ya'll! lol